How Intelligent People Made the World Dumber (Plus a Free Book)
A Free Book, A WhatsApp Status, and a Masterclass in Human Stupidity
I have met all kinds of people. Silly. Stupid. Weird.
But intelligent ones are the true torchbearers of what’s right in this world. They make the world a better place.
Don’t believe me? Einstein gave us relativity. Newton gave us gravity. And modern geniuses gave us cars, internet, and unlimited access to sex. Bless their souls.
My friends are some of the most intelligent people I know. That’s true—if you don’t question my intelligence.
Anyway, what I realised is that apart from being silly, stupid, or intelligent, people are also strange. For some reason, they wanted to appreciate me instead of grabbing something that’s free.
Now let me remind you: learning is difficult. But learning something silly is frustrating and demeaning. Yet after a mammoth effort, I learnt how to post a status on WhatsApp. Not that I care about Zuckerberg or want to contribute to his project to make the world a dumber place. I just wanted to gift my book Sensible Idiots, which was ranking #2 in Amazon humour and #9 in short stories at that time.
(If you’ve been reading my Saturday stories, you might have already read these. But if you’ve been busy—or if you enjoy reading in book form—you can grab it free.)
So yes, I learnt how to post a status. Downloaded the book links, added the cover, and posted it. My simple intention was to inform my intelligent friends that the book was free… and maybe unintentionally push it to the #1 spot.
But no.
All they cared about was congratulating me for the success of the book.
What do I do with congratulatory messages? Can I exchange them for better Amazon rankings?
Don’t think I’m a lunatic who doesn’t want appreciation. But at least they could send bouquets personally instead of WhatsApp emojis. (I needed my wife’s help to decode the emojis.) Or come home with the whistles they were blowing on the stupid app—which, by the way, I couldn’t even hear.
Some even sent me cakes on WhatsApp without explaining how to cut them. When I asked, my friend sent me the knife emoji. “Intelligent” fellow forgot to mention how to eat the damn cake. Insensitive idiot! I sent him the middle finger emoji. He was shocked I was abusing him. I told him it was a finger he could dip in the delicious cake to taste it.
Strange people, I tell you. This isn’t what I expected from intelligent people.
The next day, those intelligent idiots had already forgotten my book status. They were busy posting silly “Children’s Day” pictures of their toddlers. After seeing that, I ran to my 2-year-old daughter. She smiled when she saw me gasping. Her room was full of gifts with “Happy Children’s Day” written on them. She raised her hands as if expecting me to wish her.
I smiled, shook my head, and checked if she had a phone. Kids nowadays come with inbuilt expectations—as if God himself wants us to fulfil His wishes. But I’m not falling for that.
Also, if my kid saw my friends’ statuses, she would expect me to post one too. But how would I explain to her that I would need intensive coaching just to do that?
What confused me most was: how were babies—some only months old—supposed to read these WhatsApp wishes? Teenagers, fine. Their brains are almost nonexistent after living 24 hours on the internet. But babies? They can’t even read. How disrespectful of the illiterate! People have become so insensitive.
And then one cousin posted a status about my late grandmother. When I saw it, I threw the phone away. I’ve always believed ghosts don’t exist. But if they exist on WhatsApp, that’s the last place I want to be.
I was so frustrated watching WhatsApp statuses of my intelligent friends all day that I almost started hating kids. Except my kid. I already hate her for not letting me sleep.
Now, if my intelligent friends ignored my status, who was going to download my book? And thanks to Zuckerberg’s weird logic, the status was going to expire in 24 hours. I had just one hour left for people to see it, download the book, and not send me silly congratulations. If the status expired, I would have to repost it again. But I had no courage to do that. Again.
So after another mammoth effort—and coaching from my 5-year-old nephew—I learnt how to add another page to my status. I posted:
“I don’t need your congratulations.
I need you to download the book.
And if you like it, just fucking review it.”
Then I hit send.
Within minutes, my WhatsApp was flooded:
“How to download the book?”
“What is an ebook?”
“It says download something called Kindle… I don’t want to download spam.”
“Does your book involve cat humour shown in videos?”
“Does it have images I can use to tag people on Instagram?”
And that was the moment I realised—it was too late.
I don’t have to join Zuckerberg’s project.
He has already succeeded.
The world is already a dumber place.
My so-called intelligent friends are among its torchbearers.
If you’re at least 1% more intelligent than my friends, you can download it here before it disappears again: [Sensible Idiots].
P.S. After three months of intensive coaching and sleepless nights, I’ve finally learnt how to use WhatsApp and all these apps. So now I attend marriages, birthday parties, funerals—everything—on WhatsApp. Genius, these social media guys! No need for fake smiles, no need to pretend to like people, and think of the money saved.
All that saved money is now used to buy expensive internet plans and costly mobiles… so that we can use WhatsApp, Twitter, etc. even more.
Reverse engineering.
Intelligent people have found a way to break the world.
P.S- Download Sensible Idiots for Free till this Sunday.
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Manifesto the Great comes from a dynasty of leaders who treat women like breeding machines. When his father dies, he must take over as leader, but will he be able to keep control of the women?
Sensible Idiots
Frustrating Problems. Idiotic Solutions. Surprisingly Sensible Payoffs.
Available for free for a limited time from your favourite book store.
This 7-in-1 illustrated collection is packed with hilarious sci-fi adventures, featuring stunning artwork and photos that bring the galaxy’s quirkiest characters, oddest planets, and most ridiculous moments to life. With 90,000 words of cosmic chaos, this 530+ page masterpiece blends clean humor, space opera thrills, and stand-up-worthy jokes into an unforgettable experience.
What’s Inside?
Free Stories for Christmas just for my readers.