Mangoes Suck. People Don't
At least fruits don't text you at 2 am
“I hate mangoes. They scare the hell out of you,” Nick said, pushing the mango away from Neha’s hands.
Neha frowned. “What’s wrong with mangoes? They’re delicious.”
“Delicious?” Nick gasped. “I’d pick people over mangoes any day.”
Neha wiped mango juice off her face. “You sound like someone who got dumped by a fruit.”
“Mangoes are pretentious. All looks, no warning,” Nick muttered. “You fall for one, and you're doomed. No coming back. You’ll keep returning to them every season.” He pressed his lips together. “But people? They’re simple. One look, and you know if someone’s beautiful or ugly. No need to worry about inner beauty.”
Neha rolled her eyes and picked up another mango. “Maybe try a different variety?”
“Oh, the varieties! They're the worst part. Each one tastes great. So you eat more. And more.” Nick threw his hands up. “But people? Simple categories—caste, religion, color. One glance, and you know what you’re dealing with.”
Neha paused, thinking about the discriminatory seeds humans are planted with—unlike mangoes. “You sound ridiculous. Don’t you think you’re being biased?”
“I’m biased?” Nick’s eyes widened. “What about mangoes? Have you seen the price tags? Alphonsos go for ₹1200 a kilo. Even men cost less these days. Isn't that bias against the middle class?”
The fruit seller nearby had been listening. “Take one for free, sir,” he said, handing Nick a mango.
“See?” Nick grinned. “People are cool. No emotional drama. When they want to dump someone, they do it. No commitment. But mangoes? They mess with your emotions. One bite and you’re hooked for life.”
Neha had a sudden urge to slap Nick but remembered how she’d dumped her last boyfriend. “Try another fruit. Why make a fuss?”
“That’s why I love humans,” Nick said. “We move on easily. But mangoes? They don’t let go. Until the season ends, they’re everywhere.” He gritted his teeth.
Neha picked up the Alphonso. She cut it slowly into perfect slices. Nick watched, a waterfall forming in his mouth. He swallowed hard. Neha noticed.
She held out a slice. Nick shut his eyes. “Being human taught me to ignore what doesn’t matter. Humans have it figured out—we just stop caring. Close your eyes, and all your problems vanish. Like caste, race… or mangoes.”
He peeked slightly to check if the slice was still there, then squeezed his eyes shut again.
Neha ate the entire mango while Nick kept his eyes closed. She burped. Nick opened his eyes and shook his head.
She tossed the peel into the dustbin. A dog started licking it.
“See how stupid these mango peels are?” Nick scoffed. “They even feed stray dogs. Always trying to be useful.” He shook his head. “But humans? We only serve humanity. Why compete with animals?”
A woman nearby, who’d been silently eavesdropping and nodding, stepped in. “You’re absolutely right. I’m convinced. Starting today, I’ll be more human. Let’s begin by killing each other and not caring about it. I’ll start with you.”
She grabbed the knife from the fruit seller and pointed it at Nick.
Nick chuckled and pulled out his wallet. He showed her a photo. “That’s my brother.”
The woman trembled. It was a picture of the local goon, a known murderer.
“See?” Nick smiled. “Humans are simple. Show them a scary photo, and they panic. But mangoes? They don’t flinch—even when I slice them with a knife.”
Nick stared at the sliced mango. The waterfall returned to his mouth. He took a deep breath.
“Fine. Just one bite.”
He chewed slowly. His pupils dilated.
“This… this is divine.”
He reached for another. Then another.
Ten minutes later, he crouched in a corner, surrounded by peels.
“See how hard it is for humans to move on?”
Nick sobbed. “Every time I give in and suck this fruit…I remember how my girlfriend sucked the life out of me.”
🧠 Silly Humans — The Book
Liked this story? Then you’ll barely survive the rest.
Silly Humans is a collection of absurd tales about confused people doing even more confused things — just like you and me, but with better punchlines.
🎁 It’s FREE for a limited time.
Because charging money for this level of nonsense felt… fucking unethical.
👉 Grab your copy now at thekyg.com
Laugh. Cringe. Question humanity. Repeat.