The Stolen Calculator
“Where is it?” Mrs. D raised her baritone voice to threaten the three of them.
Ken, Harry, and Zac folded their right hands at right angles with one finger pointing upwards, making it easier for the maths teacher to comprehend.
The class followed Mrs. D as she moved her neck 180 degrees to look upwards.
“You hid the imported calculator in the toilet?” Mrs. D’s shrill voice echoed on the veranda, making it bounce from one wall to another, reaching the far-away classrooms on the ground and the first floor.
“What? No.” The boys scrunched their eyebrows along with their faces. Their wide-opened mouths, which made a big circle on their tiny faces, shook 180 degrees horizontally, stretching their necks to their limits.
The girls in the class started murmuring in each other’s ears as if they had caught the thieves. Teachers from the other classes came to the tenth class to watch the wanted criminals. Students from the lower classes peeked from their classrooms to watch the soap operas they usually saw in their homes.
“Who steals and hides the calculator in the toilet, you idiots?” Miss Cavity, the class teacher, pulled the hair of the boys who were a blot in her immaculate career.
“We didn’t steal the calculator, teacher.” Ken gathered strength and spoke for himself and his friends.
“How do you know Harry and Zac haven’t stolen it?” Miss Cavity raised her eyebrows and pointed towards Harry and Zac.
“I mean, I haven’t stolen the calculator, teacher,” Ken blurted out quickly.
“I haven’t stolen the calculator, teacher,” Echoed the other two voices in succession.
“Then why did you hide the calculator in the toilet? Hiding is a sign of stealing.” Miss Cavity slapped the boys, leaving the powdered chalk on their faces.
Tears started flowing down from Harry’s eyes and mixed with the powdered chalk, dampening his face in odd places.
“We didn’t hide the calculator in the toilet teacher. Sorry, I didn’t hide the calculator in the toilet.” Ken corrected himself and moved a step away from the class teacher.
“I didn’t hide the calculator in the toilet,” Harry followed, almost choking on the mucus he had swallowed.
“I didn’t hide the calculator in the toilet. “Zac pressed his lips together to suppress the laughter generated by Harry’s choking voice.
“Then where did you hide the calculator?” Miss Cavity screamed, breaking her voice at the upper nodes.
“I didn’t steal or hide the calculator, teacher,” The boys echoed in unison again to make their teachers comprehend.
“Then what did you hide in the toilet?” Miss. Cavity raised her hands to hit the boys.
“Nothing, teacher. We didn’t hide. We released. The piss in the toilet,” All three of them said in unison.
“Then why were you pointing at the toilet?” Mrs. D walked towards the boys with the stick kept on the table.
“Because you asked where it is? We thought you were asking where the toilet is?” Zac said. Ken and Harry nodded.
Everyone was aware of Mrs. D’s stolen calculator.
She ensured everyone was aware, from the students to the cleaning attendants.
Mrs.D had announced the theft in the assembly prayers to all the students. She cried to all the teachers during the lunch break, telling them how her brother had got it from the USA.
Mrs. D also shared the pain of losing the beloved calculator to the girls in the tenth class. She had pronounced the judgment that it was stolen by one of the male students of the class. She had even tried to get reimbursed by the accounts team, but the school’s rules prevented it. The school was broke and had no money for a luxury like a scientific calculator.
So Mrs.D wrote about the stolen calculator in the school magazine. Within days, the news of the stolen calculator had spread from the school to the nearby schools and the adjoining colonies. Everyone in the school was now looking for the imported stolen scientific calculator and the thief who had stolen it.
The school in which the theft occurred was reportedly ancient and broken. It had no money to even repair its cracked walls.
So, the kindergarten kids thought of repairing it by inserting Fevicol in the cracks.
The school’s Principal was more worried about the reputation her school was garnering than the stolen scientific calculator or the cracked walls. So, she announced a competition to instill good values in her students without worrying about the school’s meager budget.
“We want to ensure that you become good citizens of this country when you graduate from this prestigious school. So we are conducting a competition.” The Principal had announced in the assembly.
The rules of the competition were simple. The winner had to prove that he had all the three qualities from the list below-
1. Telling the truth
2. Doing good deeds
3. Finding stolen items
The Principal tried to control Mrs. D’s constant complaints by ensuring students inculcated good qualities while finding the stolen calculator and the thief who stole it.
Nobody cared about the stolen calculator or Mrs D except Mrs.D.
But everyone cared about winning the competition. The winner would be announced in the school assembly, making the winner a hero instantly. The prize money 5k was the cherry on the cake for the students.
“I will get myself a new belt, a bicycle, and some goggles after I win the competition,” Size zero Harry told his friends Ken and Zac.
“I will get a new girlfriend,” Ken said, then corrected himself. “I will get a new dress for my new girlfriend.”
“I will get someone to steal Miss Cavity and Mrs.D,” Zac said with a straight face.
Ken and Harry visualized what they could do with the money they would get when the Principal announced a competition to find the stolen Miss Cavity and Mrs.D.
Everyone in the school tried their best to win the competition. It was easy for the girls to speak the “truth,” the first quality to win the competition.
They just had to point out the culprit when the teacher asked and earn some points. Bonhomie, fraternity, and care for their classmates were concepts they didn’t know existed as boys did.
“Who was talking in the class?” Miss Cavity asked after returning from the short discussion with Mrs.D.
All the girls told the truth by pointing toward Ken and Harry, sitting together. Since all the girls had told the truth together, Miss.Cavity awarded the points to her favorite students.
“Who is cheating in the exam?” Mrs.D asked during the exam
“Half the girls earned the truth points by pointing towards Harry and Zac.”
“Who is your favorite teacher?” All the teachers asked in their respective lectures. The girls lied to every teacher but earned points and extra exam marks.
Even Harry, Ken, and Zac tried to get points for this question, but the teachers didn’t believe them.
Winning the competition was essential to the three of them as their names were dragged into the theft. Being the most mischievous of the lot, the teachers believed one of them had definitely stolen the imported calculator.
Even the students in the tenth grade believed that one or all of them had stolen the calculator. So the students tried to earn their “good deeds” points by checking for the stolen, imported calculator in the boy’s bags in their absence.
Some girls also checked the bags of Ken’s past, present, and future girlfriends, not just for the stolen calculator but also to check any gifts that Ken might have given them. The girls could then use the found gifts to claim some points for good deeds while also blackmailing Ken to like them. But nothing ever was found.
Ken, Harry, and Zac were treated as school criminals. So they decided to redeem their lost honour and reincarnate themselves as heroes. Winning the competition hence became their top priority.
There could be only one winner, so each devised a plan for winning the competition.
Harry started speaking only the truth henceforth.
“How’s the special food Harry? I made it especially for you,” His mother once asked.
“Tastes like shit,” came the answer from Harry’s truthful and courageous tongue.
“Why don’t you and Hema go to the school together?” Harry’s neighbour and Hema’s father questioned.
“She looks like a man. I have some reputation to maintain.” Harry answered.
“Why are there dirty magazines in your bedroom?” His father asked on discovering the naked treasure.
Harry thought for some time and chose not to answer.
Harry performed the “good deeds” by helping others. If a small kid in a shop asked for candy from the bottle, he would distract the shopkeeper, pick the kid up, and help him steal the candy.
If a beggar asked him for money, he would take all the money from the beggar’s plate and buy candy from the shopkeeper for the kid who stole from him.
But finding the stolen items was the most challenging party for everyone. So Harry came out with his own plan. He borrowed 5k from his father and promised to pay him back within a week.
Zac had strict parents, so he didn’t dare practice his newly acquired truth quality at home. But he generously practiced it at the school with teachers, fellow classmates, and the cleaning attendants. He believed his truthfulness would also contribute to the good deeds required to win the competition. Zac thought his honesty would help his classmates and society as a whole.
“How was today’s maths class?” Mrs.D asked the tenth graders,
“Boring,” Zac said with the loudest voice he could manufacture.
“How am I looking today, Zac? Will Hema like my look?” A classmate asked.
“Disgusting,” Zac replied. “Hema is not blind to like you.”
“Which part needs more cleaning?” The cleaning attendant asked while cleaning the classroom
“Your face, head, and the rest of the body,” Zac said, making the cleaning attendant cry in anger.
His truthfulness contributed to the school by making his victims perform valuable good deeds. Mrs.D decided to never teach maths ever again. The classmate decided to never look at any girl ever again. The cleaning attendant used soap every day before cleaning anything ever again.
That’s a lot of good deeds with few harsh truths. Zac killed two birds with one hard-hitting truth stone.
To prove the third and most important quality, Zac borrowed 5k from Harry’s dad, promising to return it within a week.
It was challenging for Ken to practice the first quality of speaking the truth. Ken was a first-grade liar who often used flattery and lies to win over girls. He would mostly tell the girls ( even disgusting ones) how beautiful they were, and they would fall head over heels in love.
But Ken was also a smooth talker, so he relied heavily on quality to win some “truth points” while maintaining his charm over the girls.
“What is my most special quality, Ken?” An average-looking girl asked.
“You are average. Pretty average,” Ken said and paused. “You are so average that even the pretty girls look ugly compared to you.
“Which one of the dresses will look better on me?” A girl sent two pictures of her in two different dresses.
Ken wanted to answer none. The girl looked hideous in every dress, he thought.
“None. You should not wear any dress ever,” Ken replied.
The girl replied with hugging and kissing smiley.
“Will you marry me, Kevin, when we grow up?” Ken’s latest girlfriend sent a WhatsApp message.
Ken replied with a potty smiley, deleted the WhatsApp app, and flushed his phone in the toilet.
Ken earned a lot of points on the “good deeds” quality. He would help the seniors rag his classmates and become famous. Ken would teach the seniors and the juniors new innovative ways to trouble the teachers. He would convince the students to go for a mass bunk to help teachers take some rest from the continuous screaming.
To prove the third and most important quality, Ken borrowed 5k from Harry’s dad, promising to return it within a week.
The school announced that it had found the winner of the competition and asked the students to assemble in the auditorium. All the teachers, admin staff, and cleaning attendants were also present.
Mrs.D especially couldn’t stop smiling. Her smile was so broad that even the hole in her cracked wisdom tooth was visible to the farthest person sitting in the corner.
Miss Cavity stood beside the Principal, praising her fat belly and large arms.
“I am proud of you all. Every one of you tried your level best to win the competition. “The Principal announced. “Most of you could get points on the first and the second quality but not the third.”
“But some of you have also made extra efforts to achieve the third quality,” The Principal continued. “The students who claim to have achieved all the three qualities are Ken, Harry, and Zac.”
The three boys stood when their names were announced. Every person’s eyes popped out with their mouths fully opened as soon as the Principal called out the names. Harry, Ken, and Zac looked at each other equally shocked and smiled awkwardly.
The Principal started clapping alone. The crowd followed after a minute after realizing it wasn’t a dream.
“OK, boys. We know everyone has achieved the first two qualities. Tell us what stolen items you have found.” The Principal gestured for them to talk.
“I have found the stolen calculator.” The voices of Ken, Harry, and Zac echoed in unison.
Everyone echoed a gasp of disbelief. Ken’s palms turned sweaty, Harry gulped a fresh batch of newly generated mucus, and Zac repeatedly rubbed his hands over his face.
“I have found the stolen calculator and some other stolen items,” Zac announced.
Zac had used the borrowed money to buy a rusty calculator from the market at 2500 bucks. He used the remaining funds to buy ruled sheets, which matched the sheets the school provided. Zac then distributed the new sheets to the people he hated, asking them to use them to practice maths questions.
“what other stolen items are you talking about, Zac?” The Principal asked while gesturing for Mrs.D to wait.
“Stolen sheets,” Zac said and pointed toward the students who had stolen them.
“Paddy, Deepak, Arun, Aditya, and some girls who pretend to be moral gods and goddesses have stolen the most number of sheets,” Zac smirked. “Check their bags. The sheets have proof of practiced maths questions.”
Some teachers hurriedly checked the bags of their favourite students whose names were now disclosed in the new and exclusive robbery. The sheets as planted were found.
Everyone started clapping for Zac except Harry and Ken. Zac accepted the appreciation with a nod.
“OK, Zac. Where is the imported stolen calculator?” Mrs.D couldn’t control her eagerness.
“It’s in her bag. She has stolen it,” Zac pointed towards Miss. Cavity against whom he had nursed a grudge from kindergarten.
Miss Cavity threw the duster on the table towards Zac. Zac caught it and smirked again.
Mrs.D ran towards the Dias and snatched the bag from Miss Cavity’s hands.
“It’s my stolen calculator.” Mrs.D raised the rusty old piece Zac had bought from the market and claimed it as hers. She started kissing the calculator in haste. She told the Principal that the calculator was imported and was gifted by her brother.
When she turned the calculator, she found the word “revenge” engraved on it.
“You want to take revenge on me, Miss Cavity? I thought we were friends. But you stole my imported scientific calculator and think this is some revenge?” Mrs.D asked.
Miss Cavity shook her head with teary eyes.
Zac smirked and whispered to Ken, “Revenge for the three of us.”
“I have the real stolen scientific calculator,” Harry said aloud, making everyone stop the gossip.
“Where is it?” The Principal asked, raising her eyebrows.
Harry pulled the wrapped calculator from his small green trousers. It was a new calculator he had bought with the money he had borrowed from his father.
“This is the original stolen calculator.” Harry raised the newly bought calculator, which was shining from the distance.
Mrs.D threw the old rusty calculator she was holding and ran towards Harry to grab it.
“My real stolen calculator. I missed you so much.” Mrs.D kissed it while telling Harry and the others that her brother imported and gifted it. Harry pumped his chest when the auditorium was filled with loud cheers and claps.
“Where did you find it?” Zac asked to find some faults in his old friend’s theory.
“I found it in the market. It was stolen and sold in the market by some immoral thief.” Harry chuckled and looked at Zac. “Maybe by someone who finds Mrs. D’s maths class boring.”
“What about you, Mr.Ken? Do you have the real and the original stolen calculator?” The Principal gestured for Ken to speak.
Ken gulped some water from the water bottle of the person sitting behind him. “hmm.. maybe.”
“What? What’s maybe? You have either found the stolen calculator or not. There can’t be any possibilities other than these two.” The Principal stood and started walking towards the center of the Dias.
Ken used the money he had borrowed to buy a new dress for his US girlfriend he had met online. He gifted her the dress, knowing the girl would ask Ken what he wanted back.
Ken asked for a new scientific calculator. He got a new imported scientific calculator, which also came with the marks of lips imprinted on its back by the girl.
“We are waiting for your stolen scientific calculator, Mr.Ken,” The Principal raised her voice. “Do you have it or not?”
“I have it. It’s the original and real imported scientific calculator,” Ken replied, adjusting his hair.
“Where is it?” Mrs.D asked excitedly to get the third scientific calculator within a few minutes.
“It’s in his bag. He had stolen it,” Ken said, pointing towards Harry.
Harry, whose chest was still pumped, didn’t realize what was happening until Mrs.D snatched his bag to search for the miracle device.
“It’s here,” Mrs.D said, raising the calculator for everyone. The auditorium was again filled with claps, mainly from the girls blushing and smiling at Ken.
Harry looked at Ken with teary eyes. Ken looked upwards while scratching his neck. Zac smirked.
Mrs.D started kissing the newly found miraculous device called the scientific calculator.
“Why does it have marks of lips on its back?” Mrs.D looked at Ken.
“Didn’t you just kiss the calculator teacher?” Ken swallowed some more water along with the guilt.
“Now we have three original stolen calculators. You have to decide which is real and who gets to win the prize.” The Principal tapped on Mrs.D’s excited back.
“Miss.Cavity hates you; that’s why she stole your calculator. My calculator is real, and I should get the prize,” Zac said while rubbing his rusty calculator, hoping to make it shine.
“My calculator is real. It is shiny and not an old rusty one like Zac’s.” Harry wiped the tears and tried to pump his chest again.
“My calculator says imported from the USA and has your DNA on its back. So it’s the real stolen calculator,” Ken tried to persuade with his usual charm.
None of them should get the prize. I deserve the prize more than anyone else. A voice echoed through the auditorium.
Every head turned at different angles to notice the person behind the voice.
“I have the original scientific calculator.” Pushpa, the cleaning attendant, raised the scientific calculator for everyone to see.
The scientific calculator had some familiar words scribbled on its back, which read “Imported from USA. Gifted by Brother. Belongs to Mrs.D”
Mrs.D ran towards the cleaning attendant, Pushpa, and snatched the calculator. “My original scientific calculator. Gifted by my brother, who had imported it from the USA.” She kissed the scientific calculator.
“How dare you steal my scientific calculator, Pushpa?” Mrs.D stopped the hasty kissing and asked.
“I didn’t steal it, Mrs.D. Nobody did.” Pushpa smiled.
“What do you mean, Pushpa?” The Principal gestured for everyone to remain quiet.
Pushpa got on the Dias. She took the mic from the desk and said.
“The scientific calculator was not stolen. It was lost. I found it in the dustbin near Mrs. D’s desk.”
Pushpa won the cash prize of 5k and the competition.
Mrs.D now had four stolen calculators.
Harry, Zac, and Ken were left thinking about how to return the money they had borrowed from Harry’s father.