Why Should You Choose to Consider Sleeping with Your Ex?
A practical guide to redistributing your misery fairly
If you aren't planning to sleep with your ex, you're missing out on something.
Here are some reasons you should reconsider your decision.
She deserves your present self more than anyone
Your ex stands for everything that's wrong in your life.
Your present wife, your job, your misery — all of it started the day she left you.
Now she deserves a piece of that misery.
Don’t just rub it on her face.
It’ll spoil her makeup —
and you’ll realise who you’re doing it with.
That’s a no-brainer.
You need the money
Now, since your present partner must be making you spend, you need to cover up from somewhere.
What about your job, you ask?
Well, let's be practical — you aren’t getting promoted anytime soon, since you’ve already declared your stupid decision to not sleep around with the boss.
So your ex can be a great resource.
Once you sleep with her, ask her to pay for your services.
I don’t mean sex services here, you idiot.
You shouldn’t provide your misery for free — so charge something for it.
And when you get the charge…
return your dad’s underwear.
Toxic pass-on
Since you’ve already dated your ex in the past, you’re quite aware of her toxic habits.
You can revisit those and use them to irritate your wife.
Also, maybe she’s developed new toxic habits by now — ones to irritate her husband.
Take notes.
Because new toxicity can be quite handy.
But make sure you hide those notes —
else your wife will become doubly poisonous.
Time machine
We often visit the past and wonder how beautiful it was.
But your ex will clear your doubts in minutes when you see her.
You’ll realise that if the present is worse, and the past was worst, you should really try to go back further in time —
like back to the beginning of humankind, when they were still rediscovering relationships.
The frustration of the past and the misery of the present can be quite motivating for you —
to discover a time machine to address today’s problems.
But destroy that time machine immediately —
before your ex or your wife use it to travel wherever you are.
Crucial intel
Remember when she kicked you and threw you out of her bedroom — and life?
She was so angry because you were not a “high performer.”
But she never explained what that meant.
Now your wife says the same whenever she kicks you out of the bed.
And unknowingly, that’s working for you.
So understand what it is that’s working like magic.
Repeat that intentionally.
Maybe that is a way out of your misery again.
Also, get intel from her about how she tried to poison your family.
It worked like a charm last time when I exchanged the cup of coffee meant for my mother with hers.
A word of caution
Do what you want.
Rub your misery as much as you want all day.
Charge her for it handsomely.
Pass the toxicity. Get the intel.
But never — and I mean never, ever — meet her husband.
Not because he’ll beat the hell out of you for sleeping with his wife.
But because he might convince you to get her back.
He too might want to get out of his misery.
So go and sleep with your ex — but ensure your wife doesn’t know.
Because if she does, your life won’t be hanging by a thread of misery.
It will be the thread.
Other Good Book You might like-
"The Epic Fail Guide to Mental Health: How to Stress Out, Fail, and Stay Miserable (Hint: Don’t Do This – A Hilarious Sarcastic Guide to Feeling Better)"
